I wrote and produced a series of Elf on the Shelf Complaint Department calls. Only two of them actually made it on the radio because we got too many complaints:
Author Archives: John McNeil
Christmas cards
There’s nothing more heartwarming than a Christmas card.
Big Billy – I can see clearly now
My darlin’ wife Minnie is blind as a bat. Of course, she denies it up and down, but I’ll tell ya how bad it got – she couldn’t tell the salt from the pepper. I’m serious, now. I think I told yis before, she got this cow theme goin’ in the kitchen. Placemats, oven mitts, …
Big Billy – The winter of my discontent
Minnie thinks she’s right smart, eh. Well, at least she thinks she’s smarter than me, and I’d have an easier time arguin’ the point if she didn’t keep trickin’ me into stuff. [Full story]
Big Billy – Get yer fruit into ya
So there I am at the doctor’s office, sittin’ on the table with the puffy black top and the crinkly white sheet of paper, waitin’ for the doctor to come in. I gotta say, I was feelin’ pretty cocky, like a kid with all the answers written on his arm, waitin’ for the test to …
Big Billy – The good ol’ hockey game
It was after supper and I just went into the room with a bag of chips and a glass of pop, settlin’ in to watch the hockey game. I sat down in my chair, got my pop sittin’ on the table next to me, got the big bag of chips popped open on my lap, …
Big Billy – A trick for treats
Every year on Halloween, Minnie thinks she’s gonna keep me out of the treats, but every year she’s sadly mistaken. Now, the way I am, I put everything off ‘til the last minute, and even then I’m not always crazy about doin’ stuff. That’s why for three years in a row I got Minnie’s anniversary …
Big Billy – If ya can’t beet ‘em, join ‘em
Now before I say what I’m gonna say, let me just say my wife Minnie is a wonderful cook. I go on and on all the time about her spaghetti and meatballs and her lasagne, and her five alarm chili and everything else. So keep that in mind if ya see me walkin’ down the …
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Big Billy – Revved up like a deuce
I was over Cyril’s there the other day helpin’ him work on his truck. Now, that’s usually the code word we use when we’re just gonna go sit in his garage and drink beer all day. We’ll prop the hood up and open the toolbox so it looks like we’re doin’ somethin’, but it’s almost …
Big Billy – Peanuts and Crackerjack
OK, I’ll say it. I had enough of the Little League. Don’t get me wrong now – the ball itself is fine, and everybody loves the kids and wants them to win. I’m cheerin’ on the hometown boys and everything else. It’s not really the Little League itself I got a problem with. It’s the way …
John McNeil 